Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
