Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
