I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
