I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
