I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Rumble strips road head = magical
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
