Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
