Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
