I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
