Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Are my feet made of real feet?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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