come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
