I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
