FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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