Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
