I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
