I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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