I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
