Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
