wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
