every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
