i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
