the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
