Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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