So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
