i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
