He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
