Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
