where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
