i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
