yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
