Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
