I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
