Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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