She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
