U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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