I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's the barista slut.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
