It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
