Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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