My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He passed out mid-signature
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
