I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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