just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
