I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
