You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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