I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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