My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
