You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
