he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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