He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
