I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
