he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
