worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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