Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
