So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
