I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
