Say something about gay babies.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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