Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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