Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
