"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
